Top 6 rules for office communication

It is awkward at work to discover that a new colleague is somebody you previously met through Tinder.

Or that your client has been reading things you wrote about him on social media.

The modern workplace is fraught with the potential for miserable communication experiences because technology keeps forcing cultural change on us.

Here’s how to take back control:

1.) Establish your own rules

This is fundamental. If you don’t know how you want to communicate, you will always be firefighting. Write a policy for yourself. If you hate to receive emails at night and on holiday, stop sending them. If you like to feel connected, stop staring at your screen when with others.

2.) Spread the word

My own policy with emails is to keep messages short, use clear requests, tell people when no reply is necessary, avoid attachments, and to assume the best if I don’t hear back.

I’ve written this policy down, and provide a link to it at the bottom of my emails. You might like to add an indication of which medium suits you best and when: calls, texts, FB messages, and so on.

Beyond that, your policy needs to consider how you’ll handle inevitable workplace difficulties, such as competition between colleagues; hoarding of information; hierarchies that smother open exchange; fear of failure, and of conflict.

3.) Don’t feel sorry for yourself

When we get stuck in the “poor me” bubble we lose any sense of connection with others and meaningful communication ends.

Catch yourself when you fall into this and focus on other people instead. (I know — you really don’t want to, but if you don’t, nothing will change.

4.) Stop gossiping

If you have something negative to say about your client on social media, there’s probably something you need to say to them directly.

Find a way to say it out of a genuine desire to help: try to remember that you are in collaboration. So don’t tell them they’re wrong, or bad.

Just explain your own difficulty and ask them to help you find an answer.

5.) Listen better

Many people, instead of listening, are too busy planning what they intend to say next. The person who is speaking will always know, at some level, if you aren’t listening.

Instead of pretending it hasn’t happened, say, “I’m sorry, I lost concentration for a second, could you repeat that?”

6.) Be honest

Similarly, if something feels awkward — like meeting that Tinder friend in the office — it can be delightful to say so out loud because you’re probably both feeling it.

Clear the air.

John-Paul Flintoff runs From faxes to Facebook: How to communicate better at work on March 8, 2016 at Mindshare bigideas.inmidtown.org